just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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