Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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