Your dad touched me again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
