If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
