I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
