So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
