Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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