tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
