Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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