Dual....:-)
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
