omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
