U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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