I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
