Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Alive.
So much puke
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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