Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
