I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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