Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
