glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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