where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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