Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
