my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
