i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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