I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
