Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
