please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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