a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
