Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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