Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
