We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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