So drunk its hurt
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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