at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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