omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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