you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
