whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
