OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
