what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
