how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
