guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
