I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
