he thought i was a dude.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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