Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
