Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You were trust falling into bushes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
