that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
