i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
