chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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