oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
