she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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