dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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