So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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