So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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