She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
