I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
