You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
