When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
