Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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