I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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