VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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