You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
