Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
