hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize