i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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