He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
