Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
