I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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