We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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