had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
should my penis look like a turkey
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dear god my vagina.
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