I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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