I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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