I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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