I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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