jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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